Women, you might think those god awful barrel jeans are ‘flattering’, but this is what they do to your figure that repels men, says SIMON MILLS

My girlfriend, fully dressed and ready to go out, turns away from her full-length mirror and asks me the eternally dreaded question: ‘How do I look?’

She is a rare beauty who is preternaturally fashionable, clairvoyantly attuned to trends, immaculately stylish and a keen September shopper. And yet today she has elected to wear an outfit that seems, to my male gaze at least, baffling in both its proportion and colourway.

Mannish, barrel-legged jeans that stop mid-calf with four-inch turn-ups; heavy, black, block-heeled, crepe-soled, glam-rockish zippered boots; a fluffy, oversized sleeveless angora jumper in a care-home teal tone, over a white, pie-crust collar

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