QUENTIN LETTS: They’re all slightly terrified of Kemi… a pocket neutron bomb, an intellectual ankle biter, a 5ft 4in raptor

Just as the Greens were going the full goose-step in Brighton, here in Birmingham the Conservatives were listening to a chin-stroker of a speech about Schopenhauer. He’s not a footballer. He was a 19th-century German philosopher.

Matthew Syed, sometime England ping-pong ace and now composer of think-pieces for the Sunday Times, argued that Kemi Badenoch’s tough love on welfare spongers was in line with Schopenhauer’s theory of compassion. We all nodded like connoisseurs even if we hadn’t a clue what he was on about.

In recent years, Syed continued, the word ‘emergency’ had been devalued by concept creep. We now had a

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