People-pleasing has existed for millions of years. Our ancestors lived in hunter-gatherer groups and, for them, becoming isolated could mean danger, or even death. To survive, they had to stay in people’s good books.
That powerful instinct remains with us: our nervous system still perceives disapproval as a sign of danger.
For those of us who grew up in a tense, chaotic or emotionally unpredictable home, people-pleasing can still be an ingrained survival tactic.
Having experienced homelessness and poverty as a child, I know first-hand what that’s like. I learned to read the room, noticing tension quickly and adjusting my behaviour.
As an adult,
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