LIZ JONES: The last wedding I went to was a disaster – my plus one called me the ‘c’ word

I’m a guest at a wedding at Hever Castle in Kent next weekend; the ceremony will take place in the Loggia Terrace, overlooking the Italian Garden lake. It will be followed by dinner, dancing, fireworks and ‘love celebrations’ until 1am.

Let’s just say the preparation has been intense, and detailed: not for the bride, you fool, but for me. I ordered a clutch online from Carvela: never mind the parcel-delivery anxiety, when it arrived and I did a dummy run (essential), it turned out to be too small to house an iPhone. Who designs a bag and makes it too tiny to

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