Growing up as the child of a mother who had an affair with a married man: When I was 14, mum handed me a letter to open when she died. Decades later she killed herself. Her heart-breaking message to me: ‘Find the love I never did’

Just before bed one night, when I was eight, my mum told me she had a new boyfriend.

She seemed lighter than usual, excited even. But then she told me that Graham was married.

‘That means our relationship has to be kept secret,’ she said solemnly. ‘Promise not to tell anyone?’

I nodded, a slightly nervous feeling in my stomach. I had always been told not to lie, so this went against everything I had been taught.

But I adored my mum and wanted to do what she asked. I couldn’t have known how significant that moment would turn out to be for me,

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