RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: However did we survive summer without amber UV alerts and Nanny ordering us to stay indoors, keep hydrated and wear sunscreen?

Mayday, Mayday, Mayday! Tins hats on, curtains drawn, stay hydrated, or YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

If you must go out, wear ‘appropriate clothing’. A burka and a sombrero should do the trick. But avoid the hours between 11am and 3pm.

We’re talking Mad Dogs and Englishmen here.

As soon as I read on Friday that this was going to be the hottest May bank holiday since 1944, I thought to myself: That’s the column sorted out, then, Rich.

You just knew that the air-raid sirens were going off everywhere from the Met Office to the UK Health Security Agency (UKHSA). They live for

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